The Blame Game...

Misconceptions

All homeless people are people of color. Homeless people come in all colors... I have an equal amount of white clients as I do of color...

Most homeless people are single men. Actually, women make up the world's poorest population. In San Francisco however, I do mostly deal with males, and most of those men are single.

All homeless people are drug addicts & alcoholics, and that's how they got to be homeless. Last week on the street, I picked up a flyer for a documentary on homelessness in San Francisco whose slogan was, "If you don't have mental issues before you become homeless, you will get them when you become homeless."

The majority of my clientele are people who have turned to alcohol or drugs as a result of their homelessness. In a cold winter's night, with no money, and with physical and mental pain, the only way to get some peace of mind is often through a joint, or a beer.

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It's simple for everyone to blame everyone else. It is easy for the privileged to point fingers at the unprivileged for becoming that way. It's THEIR fault. THEY did drugs, THEY are responsible for getting this way. Whatever makes us feel better about giving less. Whatever makes us feel more secure. "If we follow the right steps and make the right decisions, we will not get that way"...

For the underpriveldged, it's easier to put the blame on society's barriers and on the upperclass. "Take your money to the grave with you..." a man at Subway yelled at me today when no one would give him money for a sandwich. Many of them claim they were robbed, or taken advantage of, or cheated by the government...

Taking responsibility or just accepting something is beyond your control is much more difficult than just blaming someone else. It is easy for us to blame each other for our fortune and misfortune. Who's controlling this blame game? I'd say it's fear. Fear to accept that some things are really out of our control, and that goes for both sides. There is not always a path to success or security- making right choices does not always lead to safety, and it is a scary thing to realize.

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Homelessness, while it has been the result of poor choices for some, has occurred by chance for many, many people. MOST of my clients were destined down the path of homelessness since childhood- either through abusive and unstable familial relationships, or through early traumatic experiences leading to a life of extreme mental disability. MOST of my clients are trying to get help- trying to get an education, constantly looking for resources, trying to get into treatment. MOST of my clients have serious goals and dreams that may seem absurd to you, like being 45 years old & homeless, yet insisting that you WILL be a doctor someday. Their dreams and faith keep them in treatment and keep them working toward a better life, whether or not they ever achieve that M.D.

I had a client who's mother was addicted to cocaine during her pregnancy with him. He was BORN an addict- went through the foster care system to be placed with adoptive parents who literally tortured him for his entire life... forcing him to sleep on the garage floor for years, given dog food for meals, and his feet were placed in pots of boiling water causing 3rd degree burns...

this boy, now a man, never had a chance of living a normal life.

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I challenge all of you reading this, that next time you see a homeless person on the street, do not look away. Be just and acknowledge his presence by looking at him. Don't brush him off and assume he's just a dirty drunk who made some bad choices--- he probably has an incredibly painful story, and he may even have a college degree, to your surprise. Recognize your privilege, but also, acknowledge the presence of a common thread of humanity that resides in both of you...

The homeless come in all shapes, sizes, and colors... homelessness is caused by a variety of reasons, not just the ones you believe...

let's start breaking down these stereotypes that plague us all and only prevent homelessness from being addressed seriously.

Ewa.

Every so often, I meet a client who's outlook on life, given their circumstances, humbles me completely. It's a rude awakening- like a splash of cold water on the face...

Ewa is a pleasantly plump, mid 50s Russian woman, complete with a thick accent. She could easily play the role of Mrs. Claus in a local play. She was assigned to me for help with her medical insurance. She barely speaks English, so the language barrier makes reading the simplest sentence a huge mission. With my obvious lack of proficiency in Russian, we have a fun time playing charades. Most of the time, I'm just trying to convey something simple, like the fact that medi-CAL is just switching her provider and she has nothing to worry about, or that, her premiums are going down. No big life-changing news...

Ewa shows up unannounced... usually with a letter from Medi-CAL that she needs me to translate for her. I'll complete the task, and when I am done explaining, Ewa will reach over and pull a gift out of her black bag for me.

She NEVER shows up empty handed. No matter how small the task is for me to complete, our meetings never end without a gift, a card, a huge hug, and a kiss on the cheek- sometimes complete with a lipstick stain.

What's the big deal, right?

Well, Ewa makes around $900/month. She's mentally disabled, and she lives in a tiny single room in a subsidized "hotel." Regardless of all of these circumstances, her ability to give selflessly... affectionately & monetarily- is incredibly humbling. Her gifts are no small gesture either- from Valentine chocolates & a heart shaped card, to a full-on Easter basket, complete with fake grass. The cards are always written in English, and in cursive, with a "Miss" in front of my name... must've taken her hours.

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How can someone who has so little give so much?? My work for her is so insignificant and so small, that it does not merit the kind of gratitude she has.

No matter how many times I tell her to stop spending her money on buying me gifts, she always just laughs, smiles, and says, "Darling, you have no idea how much you help me. I am so thankful."

I usually give her a hug and sit back at my desk for a minute just trying to process her amount of generosity.

People tell me I have a care-free attitude... some call me a free-spirit... optimistic, by others. At times I'll believe that I am doing my part through this year of service to give to others. I generally agree, and then I meet with Ewa and feel kicked to the very bottom of an endless pit. She's winning the generosity race by dozens of miles...

The truth is, none of us in the middle to upper social classes can fully comprehend what it's like to be completely generous because we never give all that we possibly can. We get caught up in our busy lives, stressing over the state of our dire economy, worried about what's going to happen to our money. We'll make a monthly contribution to a Church, or even commit to a volunteer program for a year, and feel satisfied with our commitment to service, our levels of generosity...

The true givers are those who have nothing and give all... it is through Ewa's giving and my receiving, that I am challenged to do more. Give more. Smile more. Appreciate more.

If someone who has no one and lives in poverty can give of themselves completely, and project a face of happiness to others, how can the rest of us who are fortunate not?
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I don't know when I'll see Ewa again, and I like the mystery.

She shows up unannounced- like a little trick of fate, the universe telling me I need another jolt of her electricity...

Our next unscheduled meeting will as usual take place on a day where I will be running around, amid the stress and bustle of my everyday, and in desperate need of some perspective...

I can't wait.